Martin Roberts

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Humorous onesies, pristine white bathrobes or last night's shirt, what's appropriate attire for the trip from van to washblock, asks TV's Martin Roberts

And so to my latest sartorial caravanning dilemma. I know that such matters aren’t of great concern as you slob your way through a week in the caravan: normal dress sense is allowed, quite rightly, to become somewhat relaxed. But there’s one time of the day when the jury certainly seems to be out on ‘clothing correctness’.

I’m talking about the early-morning walk from the caravan to the toilet and shower block. My simple question is: what is acceptable dress (or lack of it), and what isn’t?

During our most recent week’s holiday, I believe that I’ve seen it all. At one end of the spectrum are those who head for their ablutions dressed in a manner befitting a Hollywood A-lister. While I struggle to keep a T-shirt wrinkle-free, they emerge from their caravan pressed and polished to perfection, clutching a designer washbag, spa products and an Egyptian-cotton towel. They appear better buffed and cleansed before their shower experience than I do after an hour underneath the jet wash.

At the other end of the spectrum are others, who obviously consider the journey to the site facilities to be an extension of the route from caravan bed to on-board toilet. Having pulled on last night’s crumpled trousers and dirty shirt, they appear, bleary eyed, and stagger to the showers. No towel or soaps to be seen, they are presumably hoping to use the complimentary hand sanitiser as body wash and extend the scope of body parts de-moistened by the hot-air hand dryer.

In the middle there’s the Carry on Camping set, who totter across in fluffy dressing gowns, pyjamas, nightshirts and co-ordinating slippers (or the caravan equivalent – Crocs). They carry a Cath Kidston washbag stuffed with toiletries gleaned from hotel bathrooms, and have their hair in towelling bungees. For some reason, full make-up has also already been applied.

Sitting somewhere in the whole scheme of things is the new craze that most thought would quickly pass, but hasn’t – the onesie. Is this garment secretly designed to provide an acceptable middle ground between bedroom and leisurewear, and provide a practical solution for us caravanners? I’m not sure that I’m keen. The image of a middle-aged man in flip-flops and an orange-and-green dragon onesie (complete with fake spikes, teeth and tail), trudging across the site at 8.30 this morning, has had a very bad effect on the rest of my day.

So, your thoughts please: how should one dress for one’s campsite ablutions?

Visit Martin’s website for information about him, his books and his property training weekends, and follow his adventures on Twitter
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