This month's caravanners
Matt Clark, Stacie and Liam Pardoe
Outfit used
2008 Swift Conqueror 645 with 2007 Mitsubishi Shogun 3.2 DI-DC Diesel Elegance Auto
Well known as a traditionally British seaside resort, Blackpool offers tack and tastelessness in equal measures. But don't knock it. The town attracts more visitors than any other place in Britain outside London. Crowds flock here because it offers old-fashioned entertainment, such as the tower and piers, along with 21st century white-knuckle rides that will thrill even the most jaded funfair goer.
I took staff writer Stacie and three-and-a-half-year-old Liam to sample the delights of
a traditional British seaside holiday. We had thrills, spills and bags of fun.
Staying at , we were close enough to the bright lights of the front, but far enough away to enjoy some peace and quiet. The site has a children's play area, which was a great hit with Liam. We pitched our new Swift Conqueror 645 near some trees, which provided welcome shade from the sun. Yes, believe it or not, we had reasonable weather.
For those who have not towed much, South Blackpool site is ideal. It is easily accessed from the M55, so you don't have to negotiate any tight lanes. Towing the large twin axle, I was glad of the easy access to the site. Should you need one, there's a caravan accessory shop just a mile down the road from the site, and across the road is a supermarket.
The next day was sunny, so with buckets and spades loaded into the back of the Shogun, we headed for the beach.
Most of the seafront is cordoned off; extensive defences against erosion are being built and there is other restoration work. However, there is still good access to the beach near the North Pier, close to the tower. We found the South Beach car park always had spaces and then we got the tram to the North Pier and seafront.
With lovely yellow sand, it's easy to see why this stretch of seafront is called the . A machine sweeps the sand every morning. When we got there it was still pristine. Liam and I got straight down to the man's work of building sandcastles. The sand was the ideal texture – the little turrets on my bucket, I mean one of Liam's buckets, came out perfectly.
I started to build a scale replica of Conwy castle in sand while Liam was enjoying splashing around in the water.
Later on Liam got friendly with Dolly. She had hairy legs and dark sad eyes, but then most of the donkeys on the beach did. Liam loved his ride on her and it goes to show that the old-fashioned entertainment is still the best.
After his ride Liam was in the mood for a round of golf. On the way to the beach he had spotted a crazygolf course at .a
We took the tram back to South Beach car park. I really enjoyed travelling by tram. There are a great variety of old trams, some date back to before the Second World War. We travelled the rest of the way by car to the car park at the Crazy Golf, or "itzy golf" as Liam called it.
As far as crazy golf courses go, this was impressive. It had a replica of Blackpool Tower, the usual windmill and various other obstacles to challenge your putting skills.
We were able to eat our packed lunch on the benches provided. I thought Liam would like a Slush Puppy from the ice-cream kiosk at the golf course. Liam turned his nose up. It seemed a shame to waste the blue slush, so I took
a sip, just for old time's sake. I was transported back more than 20 years. It was so sweet. I remembered sucking the precious flavouring out of the slush, leaving a white, tasteless mess at the bottom of the cup. aWe returned to the site exhausted. Thankfully, the Conqueror had a microwave, so we could get a quick meal and some sleep for the next day.
The next day started off cloudy. We feared rain, so it was time to make a contingency plan and organise some indoor entertainment.
In Blackpool there is always something to do come rain or shine. We thought we would try the . The thing that impressed me most when my parents took me to the circus was the elephants. Blackpool's circus was in the bottom of the tower and I was intrigued how they would fit the elephants into such a small space.
Voted best UK Circus and winning Visitor Attraction of the year in 2006, our expectations were high. We weren't disappointed. There were top performers from all over the world. The high wire act was the most impressive. The Marinos, from Colombia, performed various stunts on the high wire, including walking it with one of them standing on the shoulders of the other. You could see the concentration on their faces and the sweat dripping off their foreheads as they made their way across the wire. One slip would have sent them both plummeting 40 feet to the concrete floor. Liam, however, was unimpressed by this. At his age you believe you are invincible and don't understand danger.
Another hair-raising act was the Bukovina Troupe from Russia. They performed some amazing acrobatics using a springboard. One of them even did a somersault with stilts on.
Liam preferred Mooky the Clown. Mooky's comedy was more sophisticated than the usual slapstick you associate with clowns. Sure enough he had a sidekick called Mr Maxi, who was the straight man of the double act, and they would knock each other about in the great tradition of clowning, but Mooky had some great one-liners as well. Liam's favourite was: "It's raining cats and dogs out there; I very nearly stepped in a poodle." He was chuckling away at that and so were the rest of us.
When I saw the circus as a kid, a particularly memorable moment was when the elephants pooed on the floor of the circus ring. It far surpassed anything the clowns could do to make my mates and me laugh. And there were elephants at this circus, trained by Mooky. Of course they weren't real, but were men in very convincing costumes. What made these jumbos seem more real was when one of them went to the loo on the floor. I am happy to say both Liam and Stacie found that funny. So, I wasn't the only one with an infantile sense of humour.
The circus provided us with two hours of fantastic entertainment. If anyone is inspired to try some of the acts themselves they can turn up to the tower on Monday morning and learn how to juggle, walk on stilts and do other tricks. This is all included in the entry price to the tower. It cost £42 for the three of us, but the price of the circus entitles you to explore all the other entertainment the tower has to offer.
We went to the top of the, which is a dizzying 518 feet high if you measure up to the flagpole. It was built in 1894 taking its inspiration from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. I imagine it was done in the spirit of 'anything the French can do we can do better', but at 984 feet high the Eiffel tower is taller. Nevertheless, for me, this was high enough. There is a glass floor on the viewing gallery known as the 'Walk of Faith' You look down 380ft to the ground below. If you look closely you can see an outline of a man drawn on a building roof as if it is a crime scene investigation. By the outline it says "Ouch!". Obviously, someone has a sense of humour. The drop didn't seem to impress Liam, but I was terrified.
Liam preferred . This is a massive play area for kids. It includes a big ball pool and a jungle safari with tubes to crawl through, rope bridges and slides. Liam went wild. In fact we thought we had lost him for a while, but before Stacie and I could celebrate our new found freedom a kind member of staff brought him back to us.
There is also an in the tower. Liam and I bonded by playing a shoot 'em up game. Near the arcade are eating places and a bar. They are all child friendly and they serve a variety of food from chips and pies to jacket potatoes and sandwiches.
The tower had provided a full day's entertainment and apart from the arcade games all the entertainment was included in the entrance price.
We returned to the Conqueror. Liam made friends with our neighbour's dog called Ditzy while Stacie and I got dinner ready.
Next day was to be a thrill seeker day. Blackpool's famous was the first port of call. You can pay for rides in two different ways. If you want to go on every ride as many times as you like, you can get a wristband for £28, for Liam it was £14.25. Or you can just pay for the rides you want to go on. We went for the wristbands. Our first ride, the Flying Machines, was built in 1904. It was one of three designed by Hiram Maxim to raise money for his attempt to be the first man to fly a measured mile. The one at Blackpool is the only one still surviving. It consists of a pole with ten arms that have gondolas suspended from them. The arms revolve and the gondolas are flung outward by centrifugal force, creating the illusion of flight. As we got on, I was worried something this old would suffer metal fatigue. Getting up to speed, the 'flying machines' were flung outwards and I hung on for dear life. Liam and Stacie appeared to be enjoying it, though.
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