I’m pretty sure I’ll never win the lottery. Not only is probability against me, but I’ve walked under far too many ladders while having my path crossed by numerous black cats. And even if my luck were to change, I rarely remember to buy a ticket.
But if, by some quirk of fortune, I did fluke all six numbers, what tow car would I buy? What would I consider spending my ill-deserved money on? Read on.
Range Rover Sport 3.0 SDV6 Autobiography Dynamic
I’d love to tow with the 5.0-litre supercharged V8 Range Rover Sport, or the even more insanely powerful SVR. The trouble is, I want my winnings to last rather than squandering the cash on super unleaded. The 3.0 SDV6 which won the ‘Money no object’ award at the Tow Car Awards two years ago is quick enough for me, and would go a lot further between fill ups than one of the petrol cars.
Not only is the SDV6 quite fast enough, even when towing a heavy twin-axle caravan, it is utterly stable at speed, seemingly impervious to cross winds. Our lane-change test doesn’t always suit big 4x4s, but the Range Rover Sport dragged the caravan through this manoeuvre with huge reserves of grip and complete composure. It’s like one of those effortlessly confident ex-public shool boys who seem to breeze through life unburdened by the smallest trace of self-doubt.
The Range Rover Sport may not be as practical as a Land Rover Discovery, and for some the regular Range Rover will always be the real thing, but for me there’s not a lot to touch the Range Rover Sport as a luxury tow car.
Audi A6 Allroad 3.0 BiTDI Quattro
I’m a big fan of 4×4 estate cars, not just at the top end of the market, but cars like the Škoda Octavia Scout, too. Few of us really need the go-anywhere ability of a true off-roader. An estate car with four-wheel drive should cope well enough with a muddy pitch, should I decide to hide my new-found wealth on some out-of-the-way farm campsite rather than rubbing shoulders with the masses.
Of this breed of car, the A6 Allroad BiTDI is unquestionably my favourite. It is staggeringly quick, even pulling a heavy caravan behind it. Accelerating from 30-60mph towing a van weighted to 85% of the 1985kg kerbweight took just 6.8 seconds when we tested the car in 2014. That’s obscenely fast. It sounds great, too, albeit thanks to what Audi calls a sound actuator (a speaker which artificially alters the exhaust note). More fakery from the VW Group, although at least a faux-fruity exhaust note is mostly harmless…
There’s lots of space in the luxurious cabin, and the 565-litre boot should have space for all the new designer luggage the Motton clan would be buying.
BMW 740Ld xDrive
I haven’t towed a caravan with the new BMW 7-Series, but it’s going on my shortlist anyway. When I drove it solo I was hugely impressed by its performance, build quality and space.
The long-wheelbase version is simply huge, and it’s the car I’d buy if I felt like asking someone else to do my towing for me. There’s acres of room to stretch out and relax, and that’s exactly what I’d do if I ticked the option box for massaging rear seats.
Choose the xDrive model, and the 7-Series has four-wheel drive, which pushes the kerbweight up to 1910kg, with a legal towing limit of 2300kg. So there’s very little the 740Ld xDrive couldn’t reasonably tow.
It is also quite possibly the most selfish car on sale. Why? Because if you choose the right optional extra, the 7-Series will park by remote control. This allows the car to squeeze into a narrow space between two other cars. It can then reverse out again without the driver ever stepping inside the car. Never mind that this would mean the person parked next to the BMW would struggle to get in their car. They ought to have worked harder so they could afford a self-parking 7-Series of their own. Or failing that, they should have won the lottery.
I'm a big fan of 4x4 estate cars – and not just at the top end of the market